Each day at lunch I go to the gym with two of my good chic friends, Em and V. On the weekends I go alone. Each time I am there I have these random thoughts about the people I see working out. I am a HUGE people watcher. Some of these theories and thoughts I have shared with my girls, others I have not. Here is what I have come up with...
THE lookatme-lookatme-lookatme's:
These lovely ladies make me want to remove my uterus. I believe they are solely responsible for men thinking women are dainty, fragile, high-maintenance, incapable of independence and in need or rescuing. After being around them I am in need of rescuing... from my homicidal thoughts.
These girls are easy to spot:
In the locker room they are the ones PUTTING ON makeup BEFORE they have worked out. (Never have I wanted to slap an eyeliner out of someone's hands more!!) Spritzing perfume! (I don't need an asthma attack before my workout ladies) Making sure their hair is perfect. (GAG) Queueing up the latest Lady GAGA, Justin Beiber and Britney Spears tracks. (I am not 100% that this is what they listen to but meh, this is my blog!)
On the Gym Floor they are the ones in the LATEST workout fashions. Nothing screams lookatme-lookatme-lookatme!! like some fluorescent workout gear and brand new pair of shoes. You will usually spot them walking around. This is because they get extremely parched doing their 1 set of 4 reps on the machine and need a water break between sets. They are also the ones that feel the treadmill, bike or elliptical are god's gift to the gym and they will worship them for like 10 whole minutes. (GO You!!!) They are also only wearing one earbud because what if that hot dude over there who (I will admit) looks damn good doing his squats, with 30 lbs weights in each hand, his salt and pepper hair, rippling muscles, great ass... whoa whoa, sorry! Got off track. What if that hot dude may want to talk to me. They are always available for social hour. Oh and they are usually travelling in packs, if solo they have this look on their face like, I'm lost, can anyone tell me where my master is?!
THE PRANCERS:
These are the dudes that workout really hard... when you're watching. Then they walk around all puffed up, giving every girl the up-down and then an acceptable nod or a look of disgust (Who are you to judge, you tool. You're wearing a wife beater, sneakers with a hole in them and shorts that go down past your knees *look of disgust*). You must keep an eye out for these dudes cause they are on the prowl. Once they have put their gaze upon you (god forbid) they then are going to wait for an opening to either:
Give you tips
Give you the noticeable up-down (not flattering guys)
Try to save you from the big bad machine that you surely have got too much weight on, cause "oh gosh you are just too small to possibly be able to lift all that weight."
Spot you
Some will just be BOLD and stand right in front of you motioning for you to take out your earbuds (warning! if you don't remove your earbud they may reach out and take it out for you).
THE BLONDE BOMBSHELL:
I don't know if every gym has one, but my gym does!!! She is very pretty. She isn't quite a "lookatme-lookatme-lookatme", the phenomenal body she has proves it! She does squats and you can't help but stare at her booty and neither can anyone else. She is cocky and all the dudes seem to always need to be doing some workout right by her. I have stared and boy has she motivated me to work that much harder at the gym. However, NOW it is on cause this girl does not take well to being locked in a walk-by stare-down (I don't take kindly cause I am the one that stares until people are uncomfortable, I am unsure why, I just do). Now when I see her I can't help but wonder... was the stare down the result of her sizing me up? Maybe, she doesn't realize it's socially unacceptable to stare, like I do. Hmmmm...
THE CHIC WHO KNOWS ALL THE RIGHT MOVES:
This is the girl who is most likely a personal trainer of some sort. Her downfall however, attention. She has a great body. She would be the one the people stare at. Her strength alone is impressive. What's not impressive... How she will talk to every Tom, Dick & Harry that throw a smirk her way (Have some self-respect).
MY GROUP:
Oh I love my gym girlies! We are those obnoxious girls. Why wouldn't we be... I'm obnoxious (I will apologize now). We are there to workout, we have BOTH earbuds in at all times, unless we are within a 5 ft. radius of another. We do our own workouts, we don't travel in a pack other than end of workout mat time (this is the time we do floor exercises, abs, stretching). We have a protocol and it is to be obnoxious (I think it's more my protocol then theirs, once again... sorry friends). When we pass eachother in the gym we get a bit....... odd. We throw out the inevitable cheesy-one-liner, examples include:
Ooooh, I see you baby, shakin that ass. (Me)
Nice bum, where ya from? (Em)
Oooh-la-la (V)
The list goes on and on. These lines are thrown out quickly in passing, earbuds go back in and working out resumes.
During mat time, we (mostly me) say obnoxious things to inspire laughter when the others are trying to concentrate. These things are not said quietly, once or twice we may, or may not have been told we are a distraction. These things are said to try to get the other person to either fall off the ball, lose count, forced to stop due to embarassment and/or laugh. Yes I love MY GROUP and no we are not currently accepting applications (especially you BLONDE BOMBSHELL, I see what you're up to).
Welp, that about wraps it up. Yes I am judgmental, but so are you!!!
Good day!
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