Feminist? No. Realist? Yes. Men? Estupit!

Let's hope my mother never gets Facebook, finds out about this blog and sees this post.

There are a few things I love about being a woman; The cat call of a passing motorist, the casual ass grab as you walk by a group of dudes, the loving pet names thrown at you by strangers such as, hottie, beautiful, sexy, gorgeous etc. I also love that up-down look the dudes give you and then follow it with a groan like they just put their "P" in your "V". HOLD UP... I dislike all these things, hate in fact. 

If you do anyone of these things to me, I am ultimately thinking this ---------> 

I have learned a lot about guys in all my years of being around them. I've learned there is no amount of nagging that will get them to do something because they want to, they are doing it to get you to shut up. They see clutter and not filth. Therefore, the coffee cup will be clean and put away, however that coffee ring on the counter will forever linger. You will save yourself massive frustration if you just realize it's as easy for you to put down the toilet seat as it is him. Men are capable of laundry, incapable of folding it.

Recently a realization hit me. When a girl sleeps with a guy,dudes believe it ultimately means she wants to have his spawn. Men must think, "gosh, what girl wouldn't want to be that lucky one that gets to endure 9 months of pregnancy, however many hours of excruciatingly painful labor, irreversible body changes and extreme responsibility for another human being for 18 years, if not the rest of their life. You lucky little fox you!" Maybe not in that exact wording but toe-may-toe; toe-matte-toe.

Then because most men are reactive and not proactive they will ultimately ask if you're on birth control, this question really doesn't mean much because you give them even the tiniest glimpse of the "gates of heaven" and they are rushing that thing like you're offering up 50 yard line, front row superbowl tickets. Every dude then of course, panics, seems to be the only thing he can think about... "Did I hear her answer to my single attempt at responsibility?". So they inevitably ask, "Should we get the morning after pill?" I enjoy this question; 1. because it brings about this blanket of awkwardness that can even be felt like a thick, dewy fog through a text message. & 2. because it reminds me of my above realization about guys, "every girl who is lucky enough to sleep with them, obviously only did it to create a mini-them, cause they are just so damn awesome." When I realized, this had to be the only logical reason for this question I found myself strangely angry. Especially cause it's usually followed up with a, "I only ask cause I am just not ready for a kid/baby/awesome lil mini-me." A few things went through my mind much like Hurricane Katrina went through the south...

Do you honestly think I am some brain-dead twit with no aspirations in life, willing to make such poor decisions, throw away my dreams to become a frumpy single mother of a, most likely, bastard child (I come to this conclusion due to the question) of a self-important asshole, who will make me take him to court to get even a dime out of him to support his "awesome" spawn?!

Gosh, what a relief YOU didn't want a baby.

Whew, I don't know about you but I feel better. So much like the toilet seat, I have learned it is easier to be proactive with my lady parts by keeping myself protected against babies and shield the world from reproduction of the mistake mommy made back in her 20's.

Good Day!