Investing in the bettering of my FRIENDS...

Babies

my bff is cleaning the kitchen and mentions the baby word. by baby word I mean the phrase, "I'm considering having a baby". i quickly but quietly mentioned to her if she didn't shush her mouth I would promptly dislocate her baby maker! then as she was napping she mumbles, "i want a baby" I decide to queue up this.... 

she wakes up very much discombobulated and looks at me like wtf... my response is "wakey wakey mommy, i'm thinking of a word and it rhymes with shmish-shmortion"

When I am Angry...

When I dislike someone I wish a few things upon them....

For their heads to fall off.

Them to have to sleep in a refrigerator box, drink puddle water, eat white dog shit, and wash their face with hobo spit.

The things I think Out Loud

NEWS FLASH

Man in undisclosed location was walking along and the strangest thing happened. Out of no where his head just fell right off and he died. Sad :( He will not be missed. When autopsied they found he was just a flesh sack filled with patheticness, broken dreams and mistakes. Once they stopped his head in it's decent down a street gutter they found that he had a lying liar face. It is believed that is why his head just fell right off. What a waste. And on to more important news... a dog can lick his own ass.